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Život a príťažlivosť týždenne: Teší vás
Bounce Back fast From a Mistake
By Anne L. Fritz for life & appeal Weekly
Hope Schmid will never forget the mistake that caused her 6-year-old daughter to come home from school crying. “I was meant to bring in cookies for her homeroom party,” remembers Schmid, 32, of Fairfax Station, Va. “But I had a project due at work and my mommy was going in for medical tests. It completely slipped my mind. I felt like a horrible mother.”
Most people can relate to a mistake like Schmid’s — and the feelings that come with it. forgetting to do something crucial or saying the wrong thing does a number on your self-esteem. “When we mess up, doubts we have about ourselves and our underlying insecurities go into overdrive,” says Leslie Sokol, who holds a doctorate in scientific psychology and is the co-author of think Confident, Be Confident. You might dwell on the mistake, feel bad about yourself and spend the rest of the day beating yourself up — or taking it out on others.
But everyone makes mistakes. “A rare occurrence or utterance isn’t proof that you’re a cruel or bad person,” says Sokol. It’s what you do afterward that makes a difference. Reacting in a positive way, ideal away, can help put you back in control and allow you to step on and regain your self-esteem.
Check out Sokol’s methods for how to cope with the following familiar scenarios. put the recommendations into practice and you’ll come out feeling better about the mistake and yourself.
Scenario No. 1: You miss an crucial meeting because you’re late.
Bounce-back Strategy: Take action.
Apologize to the people you were meant to meet, then find a way to rectify the situation ASAP, suggests Sokol. If the meeting went on without you, ask a co-worker to tell you what was discussed. once updated, you can prepare for the next meeting and take action on any next steps.
If the meeting was canceled because of your absence, take the lead in rescheduling it as swiftly as possible. Be flexible with your calendar to accommodate everyone else’s. putting yourself in charge of righting the situation helps you feel capable again. getting up to speed or securing another meeting time ideal away also prevents you from dwelling on your goof.
Scenario No. 2: You say something dumb to your boss or in a meeting.
Bounce-back Strategy: keep perspective.
acknowledge the mistake immediately by saying something like, “I put my foot in my mouth; let’s take a step backward.” Then, try not to obsess or beat yourself up over it, because that just turns your comment into a much bigger deal than it actually is.
“Remember that one sentence isn’t a reflection of who you are,” says Sokol. “How lots of comments have you made in your life? At one point or another, everyone says something stupid.”
If you have trouble letting it go — or your co-workers don’t let you — keep reminding yourself that it’s normal to make mistakes and try to laugh about it. “The crucial is to accept that you have shortcomings without letting them indicate something global about you,” says Sokol.
Be proactive and plan to be extra-sharp in the next meeting. and believe it or not, there may even be a silver lining: “When we blunder, we show our human side. It can allow others to relate to us and appreciate us as the non-perfect people we all are,” says Sokol.
Scenario No. 3: You forget to send cupcakes for your child’s school party.
Bounce-back Strategy: own up to it, without excessive explanations or blaming others.
admit your mistake — if you forgot, you forgot — and say you are sorry to your child and her teacher. You can offer a brief explanation if there are extenuating scenarios that you can share openly and honestly. “But make sure your main message is that you messed up and are sorry regardless of the reason,” says Sokol.
Also avoid over-apologizing or using multiple explanations. (“I didn’t write it down, and the pet dog got sick and my boss …”) Both are symptoms of doubt, says Sokol. and feeding into any doubts about your abilities as a mother does a lot more to undermine your self-esteem than to comFort tvoje dieťa alebo jej učiteľ.
Namiesto toho pošlite košíčky, aby ste nahradili tie, ktoré ste zabudli. A stále si hovoríte, že táto chyba (alebo dokonca 50 ďalších) neguje všetky ostatné vlastnosti, vďaka ktorým sa z vás robí skvelú matku.
Scenár č. 4: Máte účes, ktorý sa ukázal veľmi, veľmi zlý.
Stratégia odrazu: Zamerajte sa na celý obrázok.
Pravdepodobne ste v rozpakoch, takže musíte urobiť nejaký seba rozprávanie, aby ste prekonali túto okamihovú situáciu. Povedzte si, že pocit krásneho a atraktívne pochádza z kombinácie mnohých vecí – osobnosti, intelektu, humor, talent a neobmedzené iné špeciálne atribúty – nielen to, ako vyzerajú vaše vlasy, hovorí Sokol.
Navyše, dokonca aj zvonku, ľudia vidia oveľa viac z vás ako zlý účes. “Všimnú si, ako sa dáte dokopy ako celok, vrátane vašich priateľských očí a teplého úsmevu,” hovorí Sokol. “Nepremerujte hodnotu jednej vnímanej chyby.”
Scenár č. 5: Počas argumentu hovoríte škodlivé veci, ktoré nemáte na mysli.
Stratégia odrazu: Buďte úprimní a prevezmite zodpovednosť.
Hneď ako to bude možné, ospravedlňte sa a požiadajte o odpustenie. Popíšte, že viete, že ublížite druhej osobe a že komentár bol váš hnev, nie to, čomu skutočne veríte.
Napríklad po boji s manželom, aby ste ukázali, že ste úprimní, uvádzajte príklady na čelenie vášmu komentáru, naznačuje Sokol. Ak ste povedali, že váš manžel bol hlúpy, povedzte mu: „Vieš, že si vlastne nemyslím, že si hlúpy. Na koho vždy chodím na otázky týkajúce sa [vložte tému tu]? “ Alebo: „Kedykoľvek nemôžem pomôcť deťom s ich domácimi úlohami, vždy máte odpovede.“
Tiež dôležité: Priznajte, že ste sa mýlili. “Povedz niečo ako:” Bola som naštvaná, ale tiež viem, že hovoriť škodlivé veci nie je ideálny spôsob, ako sa zvládnuť, “dodáva.
Je normálne sa cítiť sklamaní zo seba, ale akonáhle sa ospravedlníte a podniknete nápravné opatrenia, musíte to nechať ísť, hovorí Sokol. Všetko, čo môžete urobiť potom, sa vyhnete, že urobíte rovnakú chybu znova.
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